If You’re Reading This…

You have eyes, I guess. I’m not funny, I know that.

Anyway…

I was just looking through the music website I really like. I honestly have been wanting to apply for a long time. But I’m a cowardly indecisive little shit so, yeah. Then, I wanna ask someone if I should just send my application to the website, then I racked my head for a person… then asked myself, who would I ask, anyway?

I just realized that I don’t have a best friend.

The person who would know all your secrets, complaints, dirty laundry, all that shit.

I have friends, I have different groups. High school, college, work, and some online friends. My family, of course. But I really don’t tell them things. By things, I mean the deep, lying-in-bed-at-night stuff. I share important things when it’s kinda relevant at the time, and if I just really would explode if I didn’t tell anybody. And it depends on the person, actually. The result is it’s like I’ve given different parts of me to different people in the form of secrets and admissions. Kind of a horcrux. Maybe. That’s the only analogy I can think of right now.

I’ve divided so many things in my life that I didn’t notice that I did this, too. Divide secrets and feelings into different friend groups.

I think I’ve told more of the deep shit I’m thinking in this blog, which is kinda sad.

Maybe because I really don’t tell people things. It’s really hard for me to talk about my thoughts and feelings about things that are really, really close to my heart and are deeply personal.

Maybe because I don’t wanna burden them with all my shit (but if they follow me on twitter it’s kinda the same maybe. Haha.) and I’m just really better with written communication. That’s one thing I really should fix. Wouldn’t get that far in life if I don’t improve my crappy verbal communication skills. It’s easier to open up when you have time to compose your thoughts. When you’re not staring at expectant (or sad, angry, judgemental) faces. That kind of thing.

I’ve exhausted all my thoughts and feelings for now. All I wanna do now is listen to good music and watch the Perseid meteor shower. Or sleep. I don’t know. Whichever comes first.

Okay. Talk soon.

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